Pete Campbell: “Don, I just don’t understand. How can this team lose two games in a row, especially that horrid one against the depleted Pacers team on Saturday night? It’s very upsetting to me.”

Paul Kinsey: “I agree. The Celtics these days definitely seem to lack teamwork. Perhaps if they adopted a more communist approach to sharing the basketball…”

Don Draper: “Look, does anyone have a calendar around here? This is November, correct? Although it was dark out, I’m pretty sure I saw a bunch of brown leaves on the ground on my way into the office at four this morning. I guess I just can’t get all excited about a couple of disappointing losses this early in the season. Look at some of the reasons for the recent stretch of poor play. The front-loaded schedule’s been a challenge. Garnett is still recovering from a debilitating injury. Wallace and Daniels are still figuring out their roles. Eddie House needs to thaw out, and he will. Look, you know this team. You know they’ll play better. By the middle of April, they’ll have sixty-something wins…”

Roger Sterling: “Just think of them as a bushel of corn. Or potatoes.”

<uncomfotable silence>

Don Draper: “Why?”

Roger Sterling: “Because vegetable bushels look pretty worthless at first sight, right? Unless you’re one of those weirdo still-life painters or something. But after you mash and ferment them together in a barrel for awhile, they eventually turn into fine liquor. What? Hey, I’m agreeing with you!”

Pete Campbell: “I just don’t think these losses are a good idea at any point in the year, even in November. Remember how important home court advantage is in the playoffs.”

Don Draper: “I see. Maybe you should ask the Cavaliers if they thought losing to the Bulls and Raptors earlier in the month was a good idea. Ask crazy Stan Van Gundy if he considered Orlando losing to Detroit and Oklahoma City to be ‘a good idea’. Look, even the Lakers are coming off back-to-back double digit loses. Those are the three teams that Boston should fear the most and yet they also all have three losses on the books. Just like the Celtics. It happens. The point is, the Celtics aren’t alone here in working out these early season kinks. I think people around here have become spoiled as babies because of the ridiculous hot starts to the past two seasons. Hot starts don’t matter. Hot finishes do.”

Pete Campbell: “Well, maybe you’re right but I’m still not pleased with the glaring holes that I see on the team. I’m sure others have heard this rumor about Andres Nocioni coming to the Celtics. I must say, I like what I’m hearing. I say it’s high time that Boston acquired a true back-up small forward.”

Don Draper: <snorts> “Because where else can you get a thirty year old ‘energy guy’ on the downside of his career at $21 million for the next three years? But at least he looks nice and busy when he’s driving straight into three interior defenders or getting burned on defense yet again. Look, I’m not in love with the triumvirate of Tony Allen, Brian Scalabrine and J.R. Giddens either but is Nocioni really the best they can do with that cap space? If so, then I submit it as further evidence that the universe looks upon us all with complete indifference. No righteous God would ever allow that man on this team.”

Roger Sterling: <looks confused> “Wait a minute. I thought we put in an order to have Nocioni killed in a car accident a couple weeks back so Ainge wouldn’t be able to trade for him.”

Harry Crane: “Yeah, that, um, didn’t work out. We got him pinched for a DUI instead

Roger Sterling: “Oh, I remember now. That drunk South American guy. He looks like he’s Chris Herren’s big retarded cousin, right? Of course. Just what we need. Another Herren. <looks around> Okay, fine. I get it. Pot calling the kettle back and all that but the difference is I can do my job drunk or even with a bad hangover. I don’t think Mr, Argentina has that luxury. Plus, his appearance annoys me. Get that guy a razor, some scissors and a can of Right Guard. On this continent, at least, we have some hygiene standards.”

Peggy Olson: “Can we stay on track here? I’m worried about Rasheed Wallace. He has like four technical fouls already. At this pace, he’ll be under mandatory suspension by February.”

Pete Campbell: “Speaking of him, it’s hard to tell who is worse at shooting threes right now, Wallace or Eddie House. And I’m just plain sick of it.”

Paul Kinsey: “And the team defense has been terrible lately. Ginsberg would hardly consider it a litany of affirmation of the lamb in its glory…That’s from the poem ‘Howl’.”

<another awkward silence>

Bert Cooper: “You know, there’s a term we used to use in the wake of the 1929 market crash called ‘shoe-peeing’. The term refers to people who can’t hold onto their bodily fluids during a crisis situation. I have no tolerance for them and their degradation of footwear. You, sir, are a shoe-pee-er.”

Don Draper: “Bert’s right. Yes, the team can certainly play better. But I think we know enough about them as a team to expect that they will play better. The talent is there. It just needs to come together and become one. And there’s no time like the present for them to show us. Three days off followed by a home game against a disaster commonly known as the Golden State Warriors. Then there’s the grudge re-match at home against the Orlando Magic. After that arrive gift baskets of disarray courtesy of New York and Philadelphia. And so it goes. I see a multitude of wins in the near future that will make you all feel better about things. And for what it’s worth? I think we need to enjoy this all while it lasts. Because it’s fleeting, people. Maybe more than you even realize. It wasn’t so long ago that we were all waiting for the conclusion of a seemingly endless eighteen game losing streak and pinning our hopes on the emergence of Tony Allen.”

<collective gasps of horror>

Don Draper: “I know. <shakes head> Tony Allen…”

Bert Cooper: “Who is this Tony Allen? I keep hearing his name but I never see him on the team. Did he replace that noisy Coach Willie Maye fellow or something? If so, I formally applaud the move.”

Peggy Olson: “Wait. I thought he was Chris Herren’s big retarded cousin.”

Don Draper: “But those days are behind us now. Now we live in a brief window of time where is seems perfectly reasonable to fret about back-to-back losses. But remember, we as followers of the Boston Celtics are among the chosen few of the ‘Haves’. The vast majority of other teams in this league, at least until this summer, remain decidedly quashed below as also-ran ‘Have Nots’. For me, it’s like being baptized anew in the Pacific Ocean, blessed with the opportunity to watch this team play every two or three days. These are the days of halcyon. I’d sincerely appreciate it if you’d all recognize them as such and act accordingly. Meeting adjourned.”